Eyes can not only see, you can see in them. What a cliché, you might think, it almost sounds like the lyrics of a cheesy song; however, for me it means much more than that. Unfortunately. For my eyes are a real window into my thoughts. And that is as troublesome as leaving the door open in a city swarming with thieves.
The first time I realized my thoughts managed to ease their way out through my eyes I was eight and it cost me a five-finger slap in my cute little brat face. I can still feel my skin tingling every time I remember. All because my eyes allowed my father to see how little value his opinion had for me. The value of mine, as you already know, left a beautiful stamp on my face.
Things didn’t get any better over time, as you can imagine, for adolescence is a real bad time for sincerity. At least I could brag about being friends with the rockstar of the day or of working as bouncer of the hottest club in town…no, wait. I CAN’T. My eyes always show I’m bluffing. A couple of black eyes were enough to prove to me that bluffing only works for those who can see without being seen.
With chicks, it couldn’t be worse. Just picture that moment, that hideous moment when there came the question we all fear: “Honey, how much do you love me?” or worse still, “Babe, Do you think I have put on some weight?” Suffice to say I get laid less than a castrati.
I am 23 and it has come to a point where I can see no way out. Truthfulness is ruining my life and I cannot take it any longer. I’ve made up my mind. From now on I am blind. Or at least, as if. I won’t even take off the glasses to sleep, or fuck. In case they realize I am thinking in something else.
Yes. I know. I could get blind. Problem is, when I looked at myself in the mirror my eyes confessed yet another uncomfortable truth: I am too big a coward to do so.
So my only choice is to fake. In the end, that’s what the game is about, isn’t it?